is starbuck being serious?

if only life was the dream

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 07:22:03 GMT

i feel sometimes i can change the world
i am all powerful
and than i wake
i become weak, just as an ant ready to be crushed
crushed with responsibilities and life
and if i float away my tasks disappear
yet my pain is waking in the morn to only find my life still there
so i keep on sleeping, because this dreamland is easier
its everything i want and none of the hassles i have
i sleep on
till the day disappears
and i realize that all i that i had
was the temporary happiness of being asleep
with the troubles of my day harder than they were before.

i keep trying to sleep away my pains
because in sleep i control my happiness
i control my life
in wake i control nothing

life is always there
and thus i avoid it
and i search for something more
for something else out there
outside of stress and fear
but into happiness and ease

it is not there
and thus i sleep away the troubles
sleep sleep sleep

but life returns and i love the true happiness that i discover
but the morning is never filled with happiness only to do lists and schedules to break
it is easier to sleep
sleep

but you must
you must look forward to the day
see the possibilities
see the opportunities
grab a hold of the day and have fun
dont sleep away your life
because you earn nothing in sleep
sleep equals temporary happiness
permanent happiness is accomplishment and love
lust is sleep
temporary and fun
life is love
life is complete
life is beauty
life is perfect
love is perfect
love is absolute
absolute self

and so it goes

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 19:21:12 GMT

time slips, memories fade
emotions build
emotions die
people cry
days's wasted
and i do nothing....

i just spent a week doing nothing and its biting me in the ass

our lives are an amazing collection of experiences
i just wish i could balance the good and the bad
and i wish my memory was better because there are times and experiences that i can only remember through others tories.

i know so many great people and have had so many great experiences and i keep trying to learn from them
which i constantly do
but i learn and than i forget

and i relearn
than i reforget

"One slip, and down the hole we fall
It seems to take no time at all
A momentary lapse of reason
That binds a life for life
A small regret, you won't forget,
There'll be no sleep in here tonight"
-Pink Floyd

tagged by ravi

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 14:46:00 GMT

10 Things that make me happy

1. Carrie
2. Sleeping In
3. Music/concerts
4. TKE
5. Meeting people
6. parties
7. My Car (1991 Audi coupe quattro 20v )
8. Driving
9. Taking Pictures
10. Nature
10. Road Trips/Traveling

I tag:
Comeoneeks
dark_knite835
bdashrad
freunddoggy
littlekloog

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 07:30:00 GMT

So why so many cops driving around?

if someone could repost this to the online wpi that would be great, i dont know how

i swear update next week, i got a ton of stuff to say

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 05:14:34 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about you.

another test

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 16:18:38 GMT

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.6
Mind:	6.7
Body:	5.7
Spirit:	7.3
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	4
Finance:	5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

hmmm

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 12:51:21 GMT

You fit in with:
Humanism

Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations.

20% spiritual.
40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

This actually fits me.

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 19:14:38 GMT

You are a
Social Liberal
(75% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(28% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Fri, 27 May 2005 01:10:46 GMT

is cherry pie a good dinner?

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 09:05:00 GMT

So i'm thinking of changing my major again from Management engineering either back to civil or to Society, technology and policy or economics or system dynamics. They seem a lot more interesting and I like economics and social sciences so much more than ill ever like management. But i still kinda want to do urban planning. God damn me going to a school with only 2 urban planning classes. The good thing is im staying in school till i get a degree.

CCC is where to be

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 08:25:22 GMT

Wow it seems like this is the only place I ever seem to update. So spring break was awesome. I went all the way down to florida and back but with lots of crazy stops. The highlights would be Snorkeling in Key Largo and the TKE's at Valdosta State in Georgia. Snorkeling was a ton of fun, there were so many awesome fish there. Everyone was saying that the water was cold but it didnt even affect me and i didnt have a wetsuit(like everyone else). It was not bad traveling either. Sam, Rich and Ned went and we took his minivan down which was pretty good. We never ended up snorkeling in the Smokies because Rich got sick. But we still had fun. The TKE in Georgia were the coolest guys ive met outside of our TKE. They were really nice and friendly and we had a good time with em. They had never seen someone do a 2 beer funnel before which i thought was ridiculous. I ended up trying to jump over a bar there and got a cut on my knee which still hasnt healed yet. In General it was an awesome way to relax before D term. So i'm overloading this term which is kinda crazy.
I havent been doing as much work as i should though, which isnt good and i have to get on that. And now eileen is gone which means i spend less time over at eldbridge but it sucks. She's off in Denmark having fun and visiting switzerland...sooo jealous. Switzerland is the most beautiful place ive ever been in my life. Ugh i want to go back there, someday i will. I almost actually went for a weekend cause my mom said she had a free roundtrip ticket to anywhere american flies but the ticket expired.
TKE has been real good. We have 17 New Brothers and it feels so awesome to have them in the house. They are doing a lot for the house and having fun with it. Me and badass are just finishing up a ventilation system thats been on my mind all year. We put a 4500 cfm fan(it really blows) in thats gonna add an intake system to the current vent system. Basically means its gonna be a lot cooler at bigger parties like sewer party and stuff. We have like one more piece of sheetmetal than its done. Ive been trying to get this done all year but i didnt have the money until finally i just decided to do it. I got a donation from an alumni and he helped me start it up and i bought the fan hoping to get some donations from other brothers. I cant wait till its finished. I really liked the whole project because it was something that was mostly my idea and i got to be in charge of the whole thing. And also cutting metal is fun.
School this term hasn't been too bad, i just have to start doing more work. The classes dont seem too hard i just have to work at it. It seems this term that i'm pretty busy just with all this other crap that im doing, but i like doing almost all of it. I just have to start going to the library and actually getting stuff done.
I dunno C term was a weird term for me. I was on and off the whole time just cause i didnt know what was going on. I tried to get back into the whole dating thing and ended up just being upset that i even tried. I was happy for a while until it just all fell apart and i still don't know why. Maybe it was me and not the girl but im not too sure on that one. In the beginning of the term it felt like i really wanted a relationship and by the end i wasnt sure if i was ready for it. Sometimes im scared that i'll get tired of things because it seems to happen with so many of my interests. And i dont want to pursue something that would really serious and than get bored because i'm just a little crazy. But that might have just been my last relationship. Ive only really been in one serious relationship so i dont really have too much experience with that. But ill get it sometime. A lot of times i just don't know what girls want long term. Because most of the time im ready to at least try a relationship, but they never seem to be. I can get attached quickly, which can be bad when the person ends up not being as serious as i think they want to be. I hate these stupid games. Im also weird about getting involved with girls that i already know. Its weird for me to go after a girl im already friends with. im never sure if i should go that next step or not. I guess im just a little shy with that.
Yea, me, shy? Im so much more open now than i was back in say middle school or elementary school where i thought of myself as one of the "non-cool" people. Im finally getting all that friendlyness and confidence that i lost back than. I was picked on at the end of elementary school and i ended up learning to ignore it and not let it affect me. In middle school i still wasnt quite as outgoing in public at least as i should be i was being held back so i didnt get made fun of. In middle school i started developing close friends and started developing into actually me. And it took till basically when i joined TKE that no matter what i do ill still have these friends. Yea, they might think im a little different or crazy but they will still be there for me. After that i ended up truly being myself and just having fun with life. I dont necessarily do stuff for the attention its just cause i like having fun. I always have, probably too much. But with TKE i ended up finally being able to open myself up and just have fun. This year i ended up just meeting a lot of people and being generally friendly. According to what Jon Meredith said last year, i make friends like a virus. The reason he said this is cause i originally became friends with him and Wizzo and from there i met some of Jonathans friends and than met their friends. Its cool now though. I really am comfortable at WPI because it seems im always at around people i at least can make conversation with, or find a common friend. Before i came to WPI i heard that you couldnt really party unless you were in a fraternity. So i thought i wanted to join one. I came here and realized that when i went down to TKE i just felt really comfortable and fraternities werent just about the parties or that kinda stuff. Theres just so much more there. And i dont think many people outside of the Greek System would understand. The reason their membership is so tight and its invite only is because that means that its hard to leave. And all the brothers in the fraternity really care if you were to go. Its not just like a come and go club because it means so much more than that. Im really glad i joined TKE. It may take up a lot of time but never in a bad way. I dont know exactly what id be like if i didnt join TKE, i probably would have left this school over the summer. Possibly even dropped out. Because i wouldnt care so much for coming back. But because of TKE i realize that i need to be here and its important for me to finish my 4(5?) years here. I want to get somewhere with my life. This is something i dont often think. Im kinda looking forward to when i have a real job. When i have money. Growing up a little.
My favorite book is Catcher in the Rye. I have felt connected to that character in the past. Someone that doesnt want to loose that innocence. Someone that is scared of the real world. But because of TKE, im not as scared of that. Ive learned to take on responsibilities and im fine with it. Responsibilities arent as bad as i thought they were. Growing up isnt that scary. Yea the though of me being a parent and taking care of kids is ridiculous but i really want to be there sometime. I want to be able to teach my children what ive learned. And try to encourage them to just be themselves.
I never thought that i would say im ready to grow up a little. I hear my frineds talking about real jobs and stuff like that, and im thinking i want to be there, i want to be in a job where im challenged and i have to solve problems. I know a few people that i dont know when they're gonna get to that stage of actually growing up. I think my uncle might finally be getting there at age 50. He's getting married in september and finally with a girl that treats him right. He's been basically living at my Grandma's house forever. She still even does his laundry even though he has his own apartment. She kinda needs him though. Without My Uncle she's going to be lonely and shes more scared of him growing up than he is. She misses my grandfather and used him to fill that void. Alright i think thats enough for now. I actually do have work to do...amazing

oh and florida was amazing

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 06:28:16 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|	10%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 08:39:44 GMT

IM GOIN BACKPACKING IN THE SMOKIES. oh and also florida and like fun stuff. But the smokies!

yay all nighter

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 08:25:15 GMT

the ccc lab guy is awesome. He makes me coffee when im tired.

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 12:05:16 GMT

ouch

CCC

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 09:07:21 GMT

so another post from the CCC. Im just chilling here doing some english. Its fun. I have 6 hours before my next class, so 5 hours of work ahead of me. I think i might do okay this term things are looking up. As long as i can do well this weekend. Ive had a pretty good term. Confusing at times but whatever. I think ive developed more friendships and stuff which is definetely cool. Im so glad i came to WPI even though i dont like their course catalog. The social scene here is awesome. Theres so many nice, smart people to meet. Definetely good. I love walking around campus and being able to stop and talk to all these people. It makes me feel really comfortable. Its weird how i know so many people. I like it a lot. Ive been doing work at a more constant level this term except over the past week, in which ive been lazy. Ill basically be done with most of my stuff by monday. Than ill have a relaxing last week of c term. I might be goin to florida for spring break which could be fun. I miss driving. It is definetely so awesome, and i want to fix up my car but i dont have the cash. Oh well. I will after the summer. TKE's goin pretty good. The new member program is getting tiring for the guys but they'll pull through. Im definetely becoming closer with them. Its so weird to be doing it from the other side. Social chair is definetely fun. I really like being in charge of all that stuff. Stressful at times but besides that its good. I'm goin to bonaroo over the summer which should be awesome. i love road trips. It looks like theres gonna be like 10 or 15 of us going down there. im doing rugby this spring which could be a lot of fun. I dont really know what im doing and im not really tough but i can run far so that helps. I gotta get back into running. Over christmas break just randomly i decided to run 5 miles and i did it, no problem. I guess ill always be able to do that no matter how out of shape i think i might be. This weekends gonna be stressful cause i have 2 final projects to do. Oh well. I just have to make sure i dont get too stressed cause than i can barely get anything done. I end up just looking at a computer screen for hours. So im gonna get back to work. we got a social at tke tmw which should be fun if i can stay awake for it.
-peace

weeeee

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 14:32:04 GMT

~heystarbuck~

LJ friendsCollage.

Brought to you by pratibha75 and teemus.

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 08:33:09 GMT

So im pulling an all nighter in the ccc. Not having a bad time im really interested in this urban planning stuff, its really awesome. I hated it at first but now im damn interested. Ive been having a good time lately. Im social chair now at tke which is fun. I love being in charge of all the parties and stuff. Its definitely fun. Im trying to be more social this term and meet more new people. not that last term I was unsocial, its just I feel that being at tke it limits me to people I meet at parties and socials and things. I quit driving if you didnt know, that was because I crashed my moms car and determined that it was not safe for me to drive around anymore. I have officially switched to management engineering but who knows how long ill stick with that. Oh well. tke has been lots of fun. I really enjoy meeting all these knew people and learning about them. I really love new friends, its so cool to be able to always be able to find someone to hang out with. Ive been hanging out a lot with Eileen lately which is definitely fun. The month without drinking went pretty well. It has resulted in my taking a more relaxed approach to drinking which I think is good. I dont mind drinking a lot its just ive found that im more social and can have more fun with just a little or no drinking at all. I am looking forward to this summer. Im probably going to bonaroo in tennessee which should be awesome. Going down with a bunch of friends and just relaxing and listening to awesome music. Ive been thinking about what I want to do with my life lately. I think now a good job would just be head or on a zoning board in a small town around ny. Im going to hawaii in early may that should be a lot of fun. I want to get in shape for when I go out there so I can do a lot of physical activities and stuff. I would really love to go mountain biking out there or go for runs and things like that. I miss being in shape...ill get back there eventually. Im becoming more interested in the environment because of this english class ive been taking. Its pretty damn awesome. ive realized that extremists are crazy and that I definitely dont spend enough time outdoors. I need to start going on hikes again and going backpacking. School is taking up a lot of time with me lately. I dont seem to have too much free time but its almost better that way. Less time to waste. I definitely dont want to waste time. Its really no fun, I need to start going on more adventures and stuff like that cause thats a ton of fun. Im excited for the party at tke tonight it will be a lot of fun(if I can stay awake). I find it kind of interesting how I know of whats going on on the wpi campus. I like it. I think I want to get back into soccom. Everyone keeps telling me that but I dont see myself as having a lot of time lately. This 4000 level is a lot of work, but im doing it which is awesome. I find it interesting how when I go out to apt parties and things like that people say that they know of me or they hear stories about me. Its kinda odd. Ive never thought of myself as a person everyone knew or heard about. I do fun stuff and try to meet lots of people but I never try to make a reputation. I have to try and start hanging out with some of my old friends from last year. I have barely seen them and I dont want them to be forgotten or whatever. Last year was interesting because I became friends with people in the beginning of the year and than tke happened and I didnt really continue that. I met a lot of seniors last year that of course graduated which is too bad. I miss wizzo though, wpi had to go and kick him out. but oh well, hes really a fun guy that will always be friendly. I also need to start going on more roadtrips cause those are awesome. I skied up at jay peak when we had the winter retreat for tke. That was a ton of fun. I havent skied like that in a long time. Not since back in like 7th or 8th grade when I used to go on ski trips with my dad. That was awesome. My dad is one person that I miss talking to a lot. Hes such a nice, caring guy. I could talk for hours with him about such interesting topics. The most intelligent conversations ive ever had in my life were with my dad. Its real sad to think ive grown up and moved away and I just dont get that time anymore. He works all the time so when I am home we barely talk, and im not home that much. My dad is such a smart guy I really miss our conversations. He completely respected what I would say and he could always have a good argument with me. Ugh oh well. I gotta start having more intelligent conversations. About the economy or books or the environment. I havent done that in a while. One reason why I think a road trip would be awesome. I feel like ive lost so much by not having these conversations. Maybe I should start researching things I find interesting more and stuff like that. Theres only a few people that I know that I could talk to for hours about the most interesting topics in the world. My dad being one , dave gilinson and dan sachs. Dan sachs knows a ton and I feel like we have real conversations when we hang out. Its awesome how well I keep in touch with him and dave. Those are two people from high school that I could never loose as friends. theyre really damn smart and are awesome people. I still miss high school, partly because dave and I would have so much random fun doing nothing but talking. It was awesome. I wish I could pause time, I really do. I dont want to grow up and be responsible. I miss the innocence. in 5 years im gonna be thinking about a real job and bills and kids and marriage and it almost seems like too much. I would love to have a kid though, I really would. My nephew is amazing. Probably gonna be the most intelligent person ill ever meet. katie and josh are ridiculously smart and theyre kid is gonna be a genius. I wish I was closer to katie. I feel like theres so much we could talk about but it just doesnt happen. Its not like we dont talk and stuff its just the age gap is weird. But shes always treated me like an adult and for that I have so much respect for her. Kim on the other hand doesnt do that but I hope she will sometime. Its weird for me to be growing up. I dont know exactly where im going with things and its nice but I feel like I need a plan. Ill figure it out eventually. Maybe just an idea of what I want to do. I love being around people and no matter what job I end up in I have to be social. I really try to be as social as possible all the time. I try to meet new people and all that stuff. Its fun. My parents called me the mayor when I was young because I would talk to everyone I met. I really havent met that many mean people in my life either. I think that everyone out there has at least some good in them that you can get to come out. I hate being mean to people. sometimes you have to be harsh but it really sucks. ok well i gotta go im meeting eileen in a sec. So comment it would be fun

i finally know just what to do with myself

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 03:22:44 GMT

ok so ive been having the normal procrastination problems. but im doing better than normal. Ive made the decision that im not gonna drink or do anything for a month. i dont see a huge point to it right now. im crazy normally i dont need drinking to bring it out. i dont need something changing my mind and the way i think so i can have more fun. I might slip and have one to relax after im done with finals and stuff on thursday but oh well. i love my friends. i wish i could combine tke and vista but thats been said before. Ive come to a realization i think i procrastinate to try and be more independent and different. And i try to make myself think i dont have to work hard. Well i want to be independent, i really do. i feel it is the most self gratifying thing out there. i think i feel that im better than the work but the truth is its not that hard i should just do it. I have to stop succumbing to temptation. Now that sounds all religious and all but i mean temptation more like following a crowd, watching tv when i have class. stupid shit. in order to be more independent i think it would take so much more balls to actually overcome this stupid stuff. Kinda one of the reasons im giving up everything. One to see if i can do it. And to try and remember what its like to not be a whore to the norm. cause no matter what i do in my life i never wanna be normal. i want to be someone in your life that you really remember. I want to be that guy that sticks out. I want to be intellectual, i hate people that dont give others a chance. I want to try and be more open to opinions and everything. And i also have to stop agreeing with what someone says just cause i want to get agree rather than disagree. I need to find my own values in my life. All i know now is that i if you're not gonna give me a chance than fuck off. You only wish you can be cool enough to know me. Now that sounds so cocky but the person than ignores or looks down on others just because they know how to have fun in life is the person thats living their life poorly. And i really do care about others especially sincere nice people. The most whole hearted honest and nice person i know in the world is Ted Phillips. His ability to be always loving is incredible. Oh and also i have to stop caring about getting ass as opposed to a relationship. Cause i had my fun being single since kelly but there was no substance. Ok so maybe there was a hot girl this night and someone else the next night but what really is the purpose of that so i can get bonus points from my friends. I guess im more of a romantic than i want to be. And theres girls out there that i have looked over that maybe i shouldnt have. Ive kinda realized that lately. I might have just been looking to bounce around as opposed to pursuing the really nice ones. Before college i really wanted to be in a relationship but i didnt really know who and i thought it was so complicated. It really isnt. Its easy, i didnt know that till this semester. And i also didnt pursue any possible relationships in high school because i was being all middle school like. does she like me, should i talk to her. can you ask her out for me. I guess i was a relationship looser. So yea. oh and i really love having a little brother at tke. its awesome. its like having someone that whole heartedly listens to me and takes my advice. i wish i did have younger siblings cause i never have felt this before. i feel mature which is something i dont feel often enough. Over break i think im gonna go on a hike by myself or maybe a car trip if i can get back my fifth gear just to try and be more independent. And i guess i can act crazy sometimes but you know what im having fun and if you cant appreciate that than you have to find out more about yourself. Dont be embarrassed because of your actions. if people change their opinions because of one thing that you did that was weird or stupid than they dont deserve your time. i challenge all of you to look at a person for what they really are and not how they look or how they act. PERSONAL WORTH AND CHARACTER. yea thats tkes slogan and all but that is really what matters. i never thought that a fraternity could conform to my views so accurately but it does. And i dont mean to preach but i just feel strongly in my beliefs right now. Dont be shy, that other person could be even weirder than you....it could be me

jesus

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 08:41:31 GMT

did everyone just join thefacebook or something cause it seems that way.

people should learn how to spell

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 11:55:47 GMT

oh and decent grammar too

I want a chinchilla

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 11:36:11 GMT

So ive been doing lots of random stuff lately. Doing more work than usual which is good. Pulling an allnighter as we speak to study for my history exam. Rush for tke is going awesome. Im meeting lots of awesome guys. I love this house, im never, ever bored. If you know me and i havent been spending enough time with me let me know. I gotta hang out with my non-tke friends more. End of the world party was a lot of fun. At one point i was dancing with this one girl and Erin and AJ and J-Roy said i looked really sad so they decided to attack me with dancing. Those girls are crazy. Badass even got a girls #. Crazy stuff. I love how i can stay happy through almost everything. "Always look on the bright side of life" to quote monty Python. Going to Nantucket for thanksgiving. That should be fun. I miss my car and i cant wait for insurance to tell me what the fucks up. Probably going home the night after bids night(Dec 3) to pick it up. Ill get to see jerry and sean and maybe head over to jersey to see emily. I wish she didnt live so far away. I got like a month left of school than break in which my main focus will be getting a chinchilla and bringing it back to tke in january.
Gonna get back to work or at least try.
Oh if anyone has a urs4 engine let me know.
I want 300hp in my car and a new suspension and a 6 speed and maybe rs2 or s2 body parts.
be friendly to that guy you hate and the world will be a better place. Grudges suck and tear things apart.

took this one in switzerland like 2 or 3 years ago
cool pic
i love taking pictures

We scratch our eternal itch
A twentieth century bitch
And we are grateful for
Our iron lung

all nighter in the ccc

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 07:29:55 GMT

Im thinking about dropping out of school. I want to be in the real world. I hate all this homework and studying and all this stupid shit. I cant concentrate on my work at all. I never get anything done, im constantly playing catch up. I want to have a real job with like a mechanic or something and be taking night classes. But i want to stay in worcester cause i love tke. But the thing is i also want to be in vista. i wish i could combine the two places. I want to become a race car driver or at least something similar. alright well thats my update. if you see me ask me how im doing with classes cause im fucking everything up right now.
-i love everybody, starbuck

Sun, 30 May 2004 06:55:50 GMT

post coming soon
ive been busy with work and all up on nantucket

first try

Mon, 17 May 2004 04:04:32 GMT

Sometimes in life you think that you have everything figured out this was me about a year ago. I wanted to be a civil engineer and build highways for the rest of my life. Right now I have no idea where my life is and what is happening to it. I miss when all I could do is dream. I miss the time where my decisions meant nothing. I like being able to think about everything and do nothing. I wish not knowing what I'm doing tomorrow. I miss just wasting times with my friends doing whatever we end up doing. I thought I would love building roads because I liked thinking about those sorts of things and fixing traffic problems. But perhaps I'm just a dreamer. I like being a dreamer a person that will start fixing problems and not necessarily do them how it’s supposed to be done but its done. Maybe I want to be a carpenter or maybe I want to be a mechanic doing something with my hands but that’s too straight forward. I want different problems everyday I want a job that changes every second that I'm in it. But what really is a job. Some people love their jobs, most hate it. I was brought up thinking that if I did well in school than I could end up with a career that I love doing. Like Kim who just plays with dolphins all the time. It’s something she loves doing. I want to have a job where I don’t need some stupid degree that I won’t be applying to the real world. I would be happy with a simple job where I have lots of free time. I liked working at food basket, half the time I was driving and I love driving my car. If gas was free I would spend all day just driving. Not going anywhere in particular. Maybe I would have road trips but I don’t really want to just do highway driving. Maybe I want to be a race car driver, but who said I'm good at driving. I like it but it doesn’t mean that whatever you like you are good at. And that applies the opposite way. I was good at science and math in high school; it doesn’t mean I liked it. I thought I did until I got to college. In which I don’t really like the classes. The only classed I liked were the ones that didn’t involve any science or math. I loved economics I thought it was really interesting. But just cause of one thought should I change my major. After one year do I really know what I'm doing. After fucking 19 years of my life I have no idea how to live. I’m not even sure of who I am. I change all the time. And I want a job like that too. I would get bored of doing the same thing for years. So I have no idea what I'm going to do. Maybe I should just drop out of college and see what I do with my life. What I end up doing. I really have no idea how to handle things right now. This is volume one, I'm gonna go drive over to jerry’s house now and see how one of my best friends is doing so the next part might be disconnected from the original train of thought.

Seeing jerry was good. I have an amazing time just sitting back with my friends reacting to what each of us do. Because we aren’t flawless and that’s what’s amazing. I haven’t had fun with these friends in a while. And I love doing that. But than each of us goes our separate ways. Some go home, some go out with girlfriends and you just realize how we are each going our separate way in life. And it really sucks. I want it to be spring of high school again. Where I see everyone all the time. We hang out in school, after school, basically all the time. And we all have a fun time. We would drink on weekends and hang out during the week. We had nothing better to do. We might have jobs but than when one of us would be working they knew that friends would stop by and wait till that person was done with work. There were countless times that I just went to Getty and visited jerry solely because I was bored and so was he and we could have more fun hanging out than both of us sitting there. There isn’t much to do in this town but there’s not much to do anywhere. What people don’t realize is what you are doing wont make it fun. It’s who you are with that really matters. I loved just sitting on the back porch of the millers and talking about the good times with my friends. It was just amazing, the conversation wasn’t intellectual and who the hell wanted it to be. No one. Intellectual conversations exclude people because they might not know the subject. And that sucks to be the odd one out in conversations and that doesn’t happen when we are together. We all can get in laugh at the jokes and just think back to all the stupid, fun and crazy times that we had in high school. And I don’t really want that to end. I have fun up at school. I’ve made some really good friends but the memories and times that I’ve had at home can’t ever be beaten. I have had some of the same friends for the past 10 years and that just doesn’t change. There is a certain amount of trust that you have in a person that takes time to get. I love being in Vista. I love driving around with my friends doing nothing but talking and having fun in my car. It’s weird how during high school my new living room is my car. 50% of the time I spent with my friends was driving around. And it was amazing. It was the best time I could have. Driving around till 3 am just talking on a school night. I may have spent lots of money on gas but that’s because I would prefer to be in a car over anywhere else. It’s weird how it is. Maybe its just town specific but I don’t know. I was out late with jerry tons of nights looking for a party or looking for girls or something stupid because we were just stupid high school students. The innocence is gone. I want it to be that spring again. But it will never happen. I'm in fucking college now. I have to be responsible or some bullshit. I don’t even know. Maybe I'm just freaking out. I don’t want to leave this town on Tuesday. I want to stay here for the summer and just hang out with my friends. Fuck Nantucket. I mean I love the place but I can have so much fun here. I love wasting time. I mean I could have a job but what is better than sitting around with friends talking. I love that. And now I have to make money this summer to pay back my parents for all this stuff. I mean I could let my parents pay the 2 grand or whatever I owe them and they would probably accept it. But I don’t think they should pay it. It was my fault that I hit that snow bank. It was my decision to get that car. And although it has ended up costing me a fortune I love it. That car is something I can always go to and it will always make me happy. Some people use their car to get places that they need to go. I use places that I need to go so that I can drive my car. As soon as I hear my friends are doing something I use that as an excuse to drive my car. Maybe I should be a delivery boy for the rest of my life. And I don’t know if I would be so unhappy. But of course I speed when I'm working because I love driving fast I love seeing how fast I can go into turns and turn my car sharply around all sorts of bends in the road. I love adrenaline maybe that’s why I like cars. But it’s not only that I actually like when things go wrong in my car because than I have to fix them. And I like owning something that requires me to pay close attention to it. I love the fact that’s its my car, hey it might be under my parents name but they basically have to ask to drive it. I would cry if anything happened to that car and I sound so fucking pathetic for caring so much about a freaking hunk of metal. Whatever I don’t care if I sound pathetic. I really don’t care about what other people think. I like it when I get people to laugh I have lots of fun doing that, but if people think I'm weird as long as they see some humor in what I do I don’t care. I love laughing its amazing, its just one of those feeling that you can’t get enough of. And also I really love Kelly or at least what I think love is as my stupid 19 year old sense. I think of her all the time and when we are together I feel invincible I don’t know what it is but I love being close to a person and just being able to be in each others arms and feel like I’ve never felt before. She is an amazing person just amazing I don’t know how else to explain it. She’s funny and awesome. We spent a few hours in Boston and all that we did basically was walk around and eat ice cream and it was the best time. But I feel different around her. I don’t think of anything else and also I feel weird talking to her about myself. Maybe its cause I don’t want her to see my flaws and I don’t want help on my flaws from someone I care so much about. I want her to think of myself as something that is this amazing person and I know she might think of me like that but when she tries to help me I think its that I don’t want to hear what she says cause I don’t want to have these faults. But I guess I will understand that in time. I don’t really understand why I have these feeling but when I'm with Kelly I don’t see life being any more perfect. I end up not telling her about things I struggle with because of the whole flaws thing and I feel bad when she asks why I never told her about that sort of stuff. But that’s my rambling and I'm gonna stop now cause I should probably go to sleep. I'm gonna do this again soon because I like writing even if its worthless dribble so be it. Leave me a comment if you actually read this whole thing because I would like to know who has